"Wow, who knew

“Wow, who knew getting shot in San Francisco could be so exclusive? Only 9 lucky individuals targeted and isolated in the Mission District shooting.”

Late Night Shooting in San Francisco Leaves Nine Victims Injured

In a shocking turn of events, nine people were shot in what appears to be an intimate gathering gone wrong.

We can’t confirm whether it was a bad karaoke performance or someone stealing the last slice of pizza that caused this catastrophe.



The San Francisco Police Department parked in downtown San Francisco. (iStock)

Was the Shooter Targeting the Doorstep Specifically?

The police have mentioned that this was a targeted and isolated shooting, which begs the question- what did that doorstep ever do to you? Did it not welcome you with open woodgrain arms enough times? Or maybe it was overzealous with its “wipe your feet” signs.

MICHIGAN STATE TO SPEND $300K ON MASS SHOOTING MEMORIAL. To be fair, who needs textbooks or updated lab equipment when there’s an opportunity for ineffective symbolism instead?

Suspect on The Run: Is It Time to Activate Our S.W.A.T Teams Yet?

We can all rest easy knowing that there is no known threat to the public at this time as authorities believe this was an isolated incident carried out by one disgruntled human being at most.

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