Article Title: The Hilarious and Highly Questionable Beauty Routine of One Quirky Individual
Disclaimer: This article is meant to be humorous and satirical. Please do not take it seriously.
Are you ready to delve into the strange world of beauty routines? Well, strap in because this one’s a rollercoaster ride. We have an individual here who seems to change their routine on a whim, stealing products from friends and pretending they knew about them all along. Now that’s what I call resourceful!
Let’s start with their face-washing habits. Apparently, they can’t settle for just one cleanser (how passé!). They use either Curology Gentle Cleanser or Aesop Purifying Facial Exfoliant Paste, depending on the mood or the alignment of the stars – who knows? To make sure no ingrown hairs dare appear near their beard area, they resort to using a konjac sponge like some exfoliating ninja.
Onto the beard itself! Our protagonist apparently uses hair oil made by none other than their sister (what are sisters for if not providing homemade beauty products?). Specifically, they adore Muri Lelu Mauvaise Herbe Indica Oil every other day, paired with Costa Brazil Face Serum for added pizzazz. And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance – Algenist Algae Peptide Regenerative Moisturizer. Because when it comes to moisturizing your skin under a layer of facial hair, algae peptides are absolutely essential.
Moving on to nighttime rituals! Remember how our hero was taught that as a Black person sunscreen was unnecessary? Well, turns out that was quite the fib (thanks family!). So now they use Koa Mineral Sunscreen like there’s no tomorrow…or maybe just for today because tomorrow might require something different; we shall see.
Ah yes, nothing says “I’m serious about skincare” like slathering on a clay mask once a week. Our quirkily comedic individual enjoys the Aztec Secret Clay mask – a dry powder that requires water to activate, because moist masks are so mainstream. And if there happen to be any pesky dark spots, they like to mix turmeric with grapeseed oil and spread it all over their face. Because why use one ingredient when you can use two?
But wait! That’s not all! They also have some secret Jamaican grandma remedies up their sleeve. The trusty aloe plant comes into play when dealing with cuts or sunburns (because who needs Neosporin or Aloe Vera gel from the drugstore?). And let’s not forget about visiting their facialist every few months for microdermabrasion and oxygen treatments – nothing says self-care quite like having your face rubbed down with various machines.
Now onto hair! This person has scalp eczema (seborrheic dermatitis), which apparently requires constant management. They swear by using shampoos with salicylic acid (prescribed) and Sachajuan Scalp Shampoo (the non-prescription option). But what really makes them feel good is doing pure aloe hair masks with their hairstylist sister – because family bonding is best done through homemade beauty products.
Alright folks, we’re nearing the end of this wild ride, but first let’s cover some miscellaneous beauty tidbits and travel news!
Our protagonist happens to be quite fond of Saipua soaps in the shower – no ordinary soap will do for our connoisseur of cleanliness. For those hardworking hands, they rely on Aesop Resurrection Aromatique Hand Balm and Yardy World All Hands Oil because ordinary moisturizers just won’t cut it.
But hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen because here comes an announcement that’ll knock your socks off! Experimental Group bought the 1907 Regina Hotel & Spa, transformed it into the Regina Experimental hotel, and planned to open next month. Riveting news, my friends – truly riveting.
Last but not least, we have a designer who drew inspiration from a schoolhouse and made linens and glassware out of tree bark (not really sure how that works). But fear not! She hosted a dinner to celebrate her creations with colorful Filipino cuisine served on pink glass platters. Because why use regular plates when you can use funky ones?
Oh dear readers, I hope you’ve enjoyed this adventure through one person’s bizarre beauty routine and the random musings of the fashion world. Remember folks: sometimes it’s good to laugh at ourselves in this ever-changing world of skincare trends and eccentric design choices.
Disclaimer: This article is intended for comedic purposes only. Please don’t take any beauty advice seriously.
