Alright folks, gather around! It’s time for another round of “Stuff-Former-President-Trump-Hilariously-Said.” This time, we’re rewinding back to Saturday, when Trump claimed he told NATO leaders that if they weren’t paying their bills (someone get this man a ledger), then Russia could have free rein with them. Go figure!
Trump announced at a campaign event down in sweet Southern belle South Carolina that if any country hadn’t forked up the moolah they owed the military alliance, well heck – Russia was welcome to “do whatever the hell they want” (this guy sure has a way with words). Now before you spit out your coffee or drop your monocle into your martini glass, fret not! Our beloved Mr.Trump didn’t clarify whether he ever actually intended on unleashing such chaos upon our dear globe – but hey what’s a little international threat among friends?
The mercurial Trump left his audience clueless about what this means for NATO; it seems like dangling an existential crisis over one’s head is just his idea of comedic timing. Meanwhile, NATO countries are already as jittery as cats near vacuum cleaners at the thought of Trump marking his territory once again.
But wait there’s more! Not only did DJ Trumperbelle suggest potential Russian aggression towards its allies (for no good reason really), he dropped these bombshells while Republicans were actually opposing aid for Ukraine amidst her war against our beloved vodka producers aka .Russia Europe too jumped aboard this nerve-racking wagon predicting possible hostility from Russia targeting Eastern NATO lands.
Meanwhile in Moscow…Vladimir Putin rolled his eyes and dismissed those declarations as nothing more than ‘scaremongering’ while chatting with Tucker Carlson,the ex Fox News host. “Us? Interested in Poland or Latvia? Pffft,” said Vlady-Paddy.
Putin soon changed tune though and casually suggested America make peace by ceding Ukraine territory to Russia – in other words, asking the conservative quarter of America to play dead on further Ukrainian involvement.
European officials and foreign policy boffins voiced concerns that a victorious Russia over Ukraine might just march into NATO land. Enter Trump’s possible re-emergence as President … cue heart palpitations across Atlantic…And we thought horror was only for Halloween!
In response, White House Spokesperson Andrew Bates attempted damage control or rather gave us all a hearty laugh with his “no s**t Sherlock” statement calling Dr.Trumpenstein’s rhetoric ‘appalling and unhinged’, while reminding everyone (just in case we’d forgotten) about Biden continuing to uphold national security interests. Take that #MAGA team!
Trumpster fire had previously blown hot air on how NATO contributions were milking Uncle Sam dry – financially as well as militarily. “Why are we even part of this club? Let’s check the member benefits again!” exclaimed an exasperated campaign website post under his name.
Speaking of member benefits- it seems Trump has pulled an Oprah but with threats: “You get a Russian attack; you don’t pay up,you also get a Russian attack! Everyone gets a Russian Attack!” Coupling intimidation with capital flows, Trumpty-Dumpty boasted last year that after hinting at such doom-and-gloom scenarios, cash came gushing into NATO like water through a broken dam.
The art-of-the-deal author regaled another anecdote where he instructed European leaders they had better ‘pay up’ unless they fancied waking up speaking fluent Russian one day. When questioned by another leader if their country could expect US protection from possible Ivan the terrible incursion despite unpaid dues,his carefree retort rang along similar lines-“Hell No!”. So much for manifest destiny!
Hold onto your hats folks because things only promise to get more entertaining than ever before! Just like Trump’s enigmatic policies, the world keeps spinning round.
Trump Says He Gave NATO Allies Warning: Pay In or He’d Urge Russian Aggression