BREAKING NEWS: Federal prosecutors have finally confirmed what we’ve all been suspecting – our dear former President Donald J. Trump is the subject of a criminal investigation! That’s right, folks, things just got REAL interesting.
According to sources (who are definitely not made up), Mr. Trump has come under scrutiny for his questionable handling of classified documents after leaving office. The special counsel, Jack Smith, has informed Mr. Trump’s legal team that he is likely to face charges in the near future.
Now, we’re not entirely sure when Mr. Trump found out about this news but it sounds like it may have been a while ago and he might just be playing coy with us non-lawyer folk again.
Apparently, prosecutors are looking into whether or not Mr. Trump broke laws governing national security documents and if he obstructed government efforts to retrieve them. To make matters worse (or funnier?), more than 300 classified documents were found at Mar-a-Lago – oh boy!
Notifying someone that they’re a target of an investigation is kind of like saying “hey buddy you should probably start praying now” – so we can imagine why Mr.Trump’s legal team might be feeling the heat right about now.
Even though there hasn’t been any official confirmation on when or where the charges may arise from (we’re betting Florida isn’t looking too good these days), witnesses continue to appear before federal grand juries around Miami dishing out all sorts of juicy details about what went down during those four years in office.
Mr. Trump himself was even contacted by The New York Times regarding these allegations but let’s be real here- do you really think he’d give them anything other than some great material for meme-makers?
We must say though…if this does result in charges being filed against him then his quote denying allegations could quickly become iconic:
“No one has told me I’m being indicted …and I shouldn’t be because I’ve done NOTHING wrong, but I have assumed for years that I am a Target of the WEAPONIZED DOJ & FBI.”
The man’s got puns for days!
In all seriousness though, it does seem like prosecutors have been bringing in quite the cast of characters to try and get some dirt on our former President. White House advisers, low-level workers at Mar-a-Lago (heck even some employees may be getting swept up in this mess), and over 20 members of his Secret Service security detail…yep, nobody seems safe.
To top it off there’s also an ongoing separate inquiry into Mr. Trump’s attempts to overturn the 2020 election – so you know what they say: when it rains, it pours indictments!
Now let’s not forget folks – Mr.Trump is already under indictment in New York by a local prosecutor in a hush-money case AND he still has Georgia breathing down his neck over his attempts to overturn his election loss back then. We can only imagine how crowded those lawyers’ calendars must be these days.
Look we don’t want anybody getting ahead of themselves here but things aren’t looking too good at this point for our dear former President. There are even rumors that specialized teams could start putting together charges- yikes, T minus how many hours until panic sets in?
We’ll just have to sit tight and wait while federal prosecutors keep assembling their evidence against Mr.Trump but between you and us? This whole situation could make quite the reality TV show…
EDITOR’S NOTE: We would like to clarify that this article was written solely as entertainment/comedic piece and any reference or insinuation of factual basis is purely coincidental