Welcome, all you tough guy enthusiasts to the wildly exhilarating and awe-inspiring results of UFC 295 brought to you by MMA Fighting. That’s right, folks, we’ve got live blogs coming atcha directly from Madison Square Garden in New York City. You ready for this? I sure hope so.

Get a load of this main event—is it just me or does the matchup between former UFC light heavyweight champion Jiri Prochazka and former middleweight champ Alex Pereira sound like something straight out of a superhero movie? Apparently they’re going head to head for the coveted title of UFC light heavyweight champ—a title that was apparently sitting around collecting dust and thought maybe these two could duke it out for it.

Sergei Pavlovich and Tom Aspinall, on the other hand, are vying for what’s being called an interim gold medal in their match-up. Are we giving titles away left and right now? Oh well—more power to those guys—I guess even if there isn’t much real competition nowadays they can always say they tried really hard.

Let’s dive right into them juicy details with our handy dandy UFC 295 results guide below—all neatly laid out so you don’t have to do anything except read our wise words—an activity which definitely won’t be soul-crushingly boring beyond belief—it’ll be fun! No seriously though, check ‘em out below…if you dare!

Main Card – (ESPN+ PPV live now)

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Jiri Prochazka vs. Alex Pereira

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‘The moment y’all’ve been waiting fer.’
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Sergei Pavlovich vs. Tom Aspinall

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‘Unnecessary tension that nobody asked for but here we are’
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Mackenzie Dern vs Jessica Andrade (live blog)

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A tale as old as time…you know how this is gonna end
‘Benoit Saint Denis def Matt Frevola via first-round KO (01:31) (Nice writing Craig Daly)
”Diego Lopes demolishes Pat Sabatini with brutal knockout in just 90 seconds(Phew!)’
“Don’t worry dutyful reader—we’ve got all your unnecessary fighting information sorted. Whether it’s via indifferent unanimous decision or insanely drawn-out rounds leading nowhere—if anyone asks—the answer’ll always be ‘Yeah I saw that.'”
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