Stop the presses! President Joe “The Savior” Biden has just made a groundbreaking announcement to combat sexual violence in conflict zones around the world. Can you believe it? Cue the empowering music and inspirational quotes, because this is big news.
In a statement released on the International Day for the Elimination of Sexual Violence in Conflict, President Biden acknowledged that this horrific issue continues to be widespread throughout the world. From Ukraine to Ethiopia, Haiti to Sudan, and beyond, it seems like there’s no escaping this dark cloud of gender-based violence.
But fear not! Our heroic leader is here to save the day. With his cape flowing behind him and justice in his heart, President Biden has declared that he will do everything in his power to end this blatant abuse of human rights. Take that, evil-doers!
“Ending gender-based violence, wherever it occurs, and supporting survivors has been a high priority for me – as a Senator Vice President , and since day one of my Administration,” Biden boldly stated in a document provided exclusively (well…sorta) to PoliticusUSA.
A Historic Moment
Hold onto your hats folks, because history is being made right before our eyes. For the first time ever (cue applause), we have a dedicated focus on conflict-related sexual violence leading to some serious consequences – U.S sanctions style!
“These sanctions ain’t no joke,” said unnamed source inside White House who prefers dancing cacti emojis over press conferences.
Oh yes ladies and gentlemen, you heard it right. The big guns are out as President Biden issues new sanctions targeting those despicable actors who perpetrate this abuse. It’s about time someone put their foot down, or in this case, slapped a hefty fine on the wrongdoers.
This isn’t just hot air and empty promises either. President Biden has been working diligently behind the scenes to set the stage for this epic moment. In November 2020, he issued a Presidential Memorandum (you know it’s serious when there are capitals involved) to reinforce and strengthen the government’s use of financial, diplomatic, and legal tools to address conflict-related sexual violence.
Folks, that Memorandum was like pouring gasoline on a fire – but in a good way! It ignited something within Joe “The Phoenix” Biden that gave him the power to take things even further with these sanctions.
- The Bad Guys from South Sudan: Remember those guys who oversaw the rape and murder of innocent civilians during their civil war? Well guess what? They’re getting sanctioned! Say goodbye to your bank accounts and diplomatic privileges!
- The ISIS Villains: And let’s not forget about those ISIS terrorists responsible for the brutal rape and torture of Yazidi women and girls. Kiss your freedom goodbye because Uncle Sam is coming for you too!
Cue evil laughter from deep within dark caves as these perpetrators scramble to find loopholes around these historic sanctions. But fear not! The United States stands shoulder-to-shoulder with survivors of sexual violence in conflict zones (and maybe even offers them virtual hugs).
A Bright Future Ahead
This announcement marks an important step forward in our quest to end sexual violence in conflict zones once and for all. President Biden is determined (like really determined) to ensure justice for survivors and hold these evildoers accountable for their grave abuse of human rights.
So let’s raise a glass (or a virtual celebratory cup of coffee) to President Joe “The Avenger” Biden, the hero we need in this ongoing battle against sexual violence. May his sanctions strike fear into the hearts of wrongdoers everywhere and bring us closer to a brighter, safer world.