As the election in Pakistan looms ominously like a disgruntled, BUT sarong swaddled auntie at a wedding reception (you know it’s coming, but nobody knows what kind of damage she’ll do), the thousands-headed hydra that is the administration team has put its many heads together. They’ve decided to flog off their chronically poorly-performing national airline: Pakistan International Airlines. This news comes direct from none other than… cue sarcastic drumroll…the minister in charge! The one with all the inside deets!
#### Now Here Are Some Real Facts
Before we dive headfirst into this funhouse mirror maze of government decision-making and corporate sell-off tactics masquerading as airplanes, let’s just remember that PIA isn’t exactly Singapore Airlines. It’s more akin to Aunt Bertha after her annual 7-course Christmas feast; bloated, slow-moving and emitting strange noises.
To be fair though – I mean who among us hasn’t been hit by financial woes? Who are we to judge an entire nation’s flagship carrier based on minor setbacks such as consistent decades-long underperformance and various accounts of alleged corruption within airliner management?
#### The Caretaker Administration Hatches A Plan
Let’s frame this properly: this brilliant “fire sale” strategy was pulled out from underneath their magicians’ hats by none other than Pakistan’s caretaker administration itself! Yes, folks – these are not elected representatives mind you, but rather some Nutty Professors playing seat warmers while trusting citizens decide which Professional Political Puppet will take up residence at Prime Minister House Islamabad next week.
Love or hate them for forcing PIA onto whatever unsuspecting investor happens to stick his hand up in the eBay auction, you’ve got to admire their chutzpah. I mean NOT selling a massive loss-making entity loaded with debts and allegations of corruption before legitimate governance steps in? That would be letting a prime opportunity slip through your fingers like dust! Or yet another bailout package.
#### The Minister Chimes In
If you’re wondering who’s going to inherit this gargantuan Pandora’s box full of PIA-woes once it’s sold off …we’re totally on the same page, dude. “We are not considering closing down the airline but want its buyer to keep it operational,” said our intrepid minister-in-charge-of-corporate-fire-sales-during-political-transitions (Okay we made that title up!).
“We don’t want anyone coming in and cannibalizing this Pakistani institution for spare parts or turning our beloved Falcon into – God forbid – a budget version Titanic!” Imagine that — passengers going down with sinking airlines more often than sinking ships!
#### An Unearthly Admirer?
Guess what folks – rumor has it there may already be an interested party lurking around sniffing out potential acquisition possibilities and doing some serious due diligence (or doom diligence?). Honestly, hearing about ‘interest’ gives me images of ill-intentioned extraterrestrial beings hovering above Earth looking at Airlines like calorie-rich snacks. Anyone else getting those vibes?
While official confirmations are scarce at best and mythical unicorns at worst, the unofficial mill keeps grinding away producing juicy insider tidbits just as zesty as lemon on fresh Summery salad.
Meanwhile let us light up those hopes floating along these ancient Indus banks sending prayers skywards mixed with wishes for bountiful monsoons & better management skills within whoever gets swooped onto newly-sold PIA ramparts by giggling corporate storks amidst electoral thunderstorms awaiting Pakistan next week.
Happy election day!
The point here is clear as the blue Vodka-infused neon lights drenching downtown Karachi nightspots: PIA is up for grabs and needs a knight in shining armor who can handle not only their long list of woes but also handle being punched by passengers unhappy with unscheduled landing pit stops at still-unconfirmed UFO sighting spots airing daily on cable television.
May Pakistan’s national bird find its way to safe skies while whoever takes over hemming this pantomime called an airline keep its engines purring till we all meet again under twinkling fairy-lights.
Because when you think about it, isn’t flying essentially just falling…with style?
Ahead of election, Pakistan seals plan to sell national airline