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Oh wow, look at these stocks, they’re just making SUCH huge moves, I mean really earth-shattering stuff here. Palo Alto Networks? More like Palo Alto Snooze-fests. 3M? More like BoreMe to Death Inc. and Amedisys? Yeah right, more like Asleep-at-the-Wheel-disys. Oh Target too? Yawnsville USA baby! #Stocksareboring

June 5, 2023
in Finance
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Oh wow, look at these stocks, they’re just making SUCH huge moves, I mean really earth-shattering stuff here. Palo Alto Networks? More like Palo Alto Snooze-fests. 3M? More like BoreMe to Death Inc. and Amedisys? Yeah right, more like Asleep-at-the-Wheel-disys. Oh Target too? Yawnsville USA baby! #Stocksareboring



Midday tradingSponsored Product saw some interesting moves in the markets, with some stocksSponsored Product rising while others fell. Palo Alto Networks made headlines by jumping 4% after being announced as a replacement for Dish Network in the S&P 500. But let’s be real, who cares about cybersecurity when there are forever chemicals at play?

3M shares slid down by 3%, but that’s nothing compared to our current sliding standards of justice since they’re giving time to finalize a settlement of claims against municipal water providers – giving us one more thing to worry about.

Coinbase wasn’t “coining” it today, having suffered a drop of 10%. As if things weren’t bad enough for crypto exchanges already, Binance has now been sued along with its co-founder Changpeng Zhao over allegations of violating securities laws and commingling their own funds with those belonging to investors.

EPAM Systems also didn’t seem too great as they experienced an 18% fall after lowering full-year earnings and revenue forecasts below analysts’ estimates due to deteriorating demand. Who needs software engineering firms that can’t even forecast accurately?

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On the brighter side: Amedisys received an unsolicited buyout offer from Optum which rallied their stock by around 14%. Although Option Care Health’s rival bid could indicate an all-out bidding war is on its way…

ImmunoGen was upped by around 5%, thanks to ovarian cancer treatment Elahere which showed a nearly 35% reduction in risk compared to chemotherapy. It seems like finally- something works (!)

C.H Robinson Worldwide lost about 5% while selecting Ford’s David Bozeman as next CEO following FreightWaves report; Coincidence? I think not.

Equitrans Midstream Corporation rose over 4.5%, showing potential growth based on language included in the Fiscal Responsibility Act related with completing Mountain Valley Pipeline …. If only this could lead them towards knowing the importance of preserving natural resources instead!

Ford Motor Co. rose almost 2% after an upgrade to buy from neutral by Citi stating that the rising demand for cars in the US will benefit Ford.

Spotify laid off 200 employees mainly in podcast division, which is just about 2% of their in-person workforce. But we won’t be too hard on them; I mean, at least they have a new TikTok competitor?

Target fell more than 2%, as student loan repayments could squeeze margins and earned itself a downgrade by KeyBanc.

Dollar General – downgraded by Morgan Stanley to equal weight from overweight after reporting miss on quarterly earnings and cutting guidance due to challenging economic environment. Yeah sure, why not add another challenge for us all to deal with?

Lastly- big news: Apple shares soared over 1% after kicking off its annual Worldwide Developers Conference… drumroll please- introducing their long-awaited virtual & augmented reality headset called “Reality Pro”. Now! ain’t that something?!

Anyways, CNBC’s Yun Li, Alex Harring, Jesse Pound ,Samantha Subin,and Brian Evans reported on all this rollercoaster ride today!

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Tags: 3M CoAltoAmedisysAmedisys IncAmgen IncApple IncAsleepattheWheeldisysBabyBoreMeBreaking newsBreaking News: Marketsbusiness newsCH Robinson Worldwide IncCoinbase Global IncDeathDISH Network CorpDollar General CorpearningsearthshatteringEpam Systems IncEquitrans Midstream CorpFord Motor CoHugeImmunoGen IncmakingMarket InsidermovesNetworksOption Care Health IncPaloPalo Alto Networks IncSnoozefestsSpotify Technology SAStock marketsstocksStocksareboringStufftargetTarget CorpTheyreUnitedHealth Group IncUSAWowYawnsvilleyeah

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