Colin Kaepernick: Desperate and Delusional Quarterback Still Waiting for NFL Comeback
It’s been seven long years since former San Francisco 49ers quarterback, Colin Kaepernick, last graced the football field. Yet, despite his lack of playing time and questionable performance on the field, he still believes that he has what it takes to make a triumphant return to the NFL.
In an interview with the Daily Mail (because where else would you go for hard-hitting sports journalism?), Kaepernick claimed that he works out “five to six days each week” in order to stay ready for that elusive call from an NFL team. You know, just in case they decide to give him another shot at stardom.
When asked about his workouts and whether or not teams are impressed by his skills, Kaepernick confidently stated, “Every workout, every opportunity I’ve had to show that, the feedback has always been positive…Everything from ‘He’s still an elite player’ to ‘The workout was great; it was better than expected.’” Well then Mr. Elite Player Workout Prodigy Extraordinaire, why haven’t any teams signed you yet?
But fear not! Kaepernick went on to share some details about a workout he had with none other than the Las Vegas Raiders last year. Can you believe it? The Raiders didn’t want him either! Who could possibly pass up such a phenomenal talent like him? Oh wait… pretty much every team in the league has passed on him for years now.
Kaepernick lamented about how teams always come up with excuses as to why they don’t sign him. He said in frustration,”I’ve heard a lot of excuses over the years… ‘Oh we’re going to see how these guys we already have do.’” Yeah Colin, because maybe those guys can actually play football unlike yourself!
And let’s not forget why Kaepernick isn’t exactly everyone’s favorite player. In 2016, he decided it would be a grand idea to kneel during the national anthem as a form of protest against racial inequality. While some applauded his bravery and conviction, many saw it as a blatant disrespect to America and all those who have served and sacrificed for this great nation.
But despite sitting on the sidelines for years, Kaepernick has managed to accumulate quite the fortune. With a net worth of $40 million, gained by spewing anti-American rhetoric every chance he gets, he clearly doesn’t need football anymore. So why is he still crying about not being signed?
When Kaepernick was asked in an interview if he thinks there has been any positive change in the NFL, he scoffed at the notion. He replied disdainfully,”I think there is a lot of work to do on that front… Not playing and being out of the NFL for six years is an indictment on where they are currently at.” Yeah Colin, because clearly everyone else is wrong and you’re always right.
Many skeptics argue that Kaepernick isn’t actually interested in returning to football; rather, he just wants to maintain his status as a professional victim and cash in on his so-called activism. Is anyone really surprised though? It seems like drama follows him wherever he goes.
So let’s all sit back and watch with bated breath as we wait for that miraculous moment when Colin Kaepernick finally receives that long-awaited call from an NFL team begging him to return to their roster. Will it happen? Who knows! But one thing’s for sure: this quarterback might want to consider retirement instead of subjecting us all to more years of his whining and delusions of grandeur.
(Note: All references made here are purely satirical & meant only for entertainment purposes)