Where’s The Drab, Boring, Snewz I’m Used To?

Oh, so you were in search of those countless news websites that churn out content like a vending machine set permanently on “Maximum Mundane.” Well, here at our humble abode,we have had to take a bit of a unique approach. All your breaking news and mind-bogglingly informative, uh, “information” is still here. Well, most of it, anyway. You see, we recently had a colossal malfunction of epic proportions – a mischievous monkey found its way into our server room and decided to lock itself in. Now, it seems this monkey spends its days perched at the terminal, eagerly waiting for our latest articles to drop which he then reedits and well … Much to our surprise, the monkey has an oddly peculiar sense of humor, and it has wholeheartedly embraced the role of article editor, infusing our content with a slightly twisted, yet surprisingly more digestible tone. But rest assured, the crucial bits are still intact. So, while we’re working diligently to figure out how to coax the monkey out of our server room, you can indulge in the news from a primate’s perspective. We promise to keep you updated on our progress in resolving this entire “monkey business.”