Pre-recorded Apple presentations are normally a bit strange. These heavily developed performances function Apple executives telling us about their newest merchandise as they dash across scenic deserts or board strange, nonexistent subways.
Today’s presentation felt even stranger, even though, possibly since it was kicked off with a lengthy Apple Watch ad that generally sent the message of, “If you don’t buy this, you will die of a heart attack.” We also saw some action on the normally-controversial notch, plus some subtle allusions to Roe v. Wade as Apple added new menstrual well being tracking to its Apple Watch.
Of course, this hubbub indicates that jaded tech sorts produced some snarky jokes on Twitter. I laughed at a lot of them. Here are some tweets for your viewing pleasure.
Apple is so dramatic
Yesterday, former One Direction member Harry Styles described why he enjoys his upcoming film, “Don’t Worry Darling.” He stated, “My favorite thing about the movie is, like, it feels like a movie.”
Styles got a lot of flack for this innocuous quote, but I get it. My favourite point about Apple events is that they really feel like Apple events. These graphics are so more than-the-best lovely that they virtually make you neglect about their ongoing mission to stop their retail workers from unionizing. This was particularly correct nowadays, when so substantially of the occasion centered about how you can put on the Apple Watch Ultra although scuba-diving, ultra-marathon operating, climbing Mount Everest, and so on.
The “Dynamic Island”
Apple branded its notch replacement — a pill-shaped cutout — as the “dynamic island.” Apple customers look divided about regardless of whether or not this is a fantastic option to the notch. I’m personally a fan, but other folks will not stand for something significantly less than a bona fide complete-screen encounter. Everyone appears to agree, even though, that “dynamic island” is a really silly name. Our hardware editor Brian Heater, who attended today’s occasion in particular person, told us that the audience truly laughed at the name when it was announced.
I wrote about the dynamic island, only to get ratio-ed by a TechCrunch reader. To be fair, this response was quite funny. I’m maintaining an eye on you, Joseph.
The Apple Watch Ultra is a bit as well intense
The introductory video to today’s hour-plus presentation incorporated a teenage boy fearing for his life although a bear walked about his kitchen, only for his Apple Watch to save the day. It was weird. But as Apple introduced its added-hardy Apple Watch Ultra, made for use throughout intense sports, items got weirder.
Then, Apple introduced satellite SOS, which assists you get to security if you face an emergency although off-grid. It’s a really valuable function and a clever application of the technologies — but soon after as well lots of mentions of bear attacks and scuba diving, it felt ominous.
We’re all tired of the lightning cable
The European Union is generating legislative moves to need that all smartphones use a frequent USB-C charger by fall 2024. Some USB-C devotees got their hopes up, questioning if this meant that the iPhone 14 would ultimately get rid of the lightning cable in exchange for a USB-C port. It tends to make sense — iPads and MacBooks alike are operating on USB-C chargers, and as Haje wrote in an impassioned weblog post, “pretty much everything that isn’t an iPhone, an Apple Keyboard, or AirPods is running on USB-C these days.” Unfortunately, Apple didn’t make the huge leap nowadays.
In any case, if you want an actual recap on what you missed at today’s occasion, verify out Greg’s roundup.