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“Go Birding With The Times and Discover How to Watch Paint Dry while Pretending it’s a Thrilling Adventure in Nature!”

May 18, 2023
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“Go Birding With The Times and Discover How to Watch Paint Dry while Pretending it’s a Thrilling Adventure in Nature!”


Bird Watching with The New York Times: A Satirical Guide to Feigning Expertise

Welcome fellow amateurs! It’s time for you to put on your safari hat, grab a pair of binoculars and hit the great outdoors. Why? Because apparently, we need to help save birds from our own environmental destruction. So let’s get right into it, shall we?

The Cornell Lab of Ornithology needs YOU!

Yes folks, you read that right – this isn’t just any bird watching activity; this is science! We’re partnering up with Cornell Lab of Ornithology to gather data about birds, because apparently half of all bird species in the world are at risk due to climate change and other human activities.

We know what you’re thinking… “What could I possibly do as an ordinary citizen?” Well fear not my feathered friends- All you need are observation skills, but if those don’t work out – Don’t worry! They have apps for that.

The Project Details

<

ul>

  • The Objective:To fill in regional gaps so scientists can accurately study the biodiversity in certain areas
  • Your Mission:To download some apps and act like Sir David Attenborough
    • – eBird (for advanced Birders)
    • – Merlin (for beginners) [our spy team confirms no relationship with King Arthur’s sidekick].

    A Few Simple Steps To Image Over-Inflated Intellectuality About Birds through observation techniques:

    1. The Observation:Open your peepers and observe the birds around you.
    2. The Verification:Download one of the apps (above) or visit the Cornell website to learn more about what kind of bird it is.
    3. We know this all sounds complicated but hey! It’s for a Great Cause…Right? Back to Business:

    4. The Deduction: Your observation must be recorded, which can include anything from location/time details to weather conditions.

      “The humidity index was at an estimated rate of…Wait, am I sweating yet?”

    5. Time To Show Off:If you’re feeling fancy Submit Observations by using eBird Website starting today until September.

    Tips for Implementation

    To help those citizens with no prior experience out there we have some tips:

    • -Relax! Remember observing birds should be enjoyable not stressful.

    Afterall they are called Birds Not Helicopters something will fly again
    .

  • -Be confident- Even if you don’t know exactly what species that hawk-like creature on your window looks like feels like…
    No Biggie,.“I heard them mention somewhere that these things migrate or something.”

    We gotta admit though; The Cornell team did come up with genius marketing strategy here!

    Frequently Asked Questions For People As Knowledgeable As A Rubber Duck About Birds:

    <

    div class=”css-53u6y8″>

    Can I still be included in The New York Times project if I already use the Merlin or eBird app?

    Yes, of course! As long as you’ve registered with us above to participate in the project our bird-eyes are on your glimpses.

     <!--Question Two-->
       <h3 class="css-vgpz0b e1gnsphs0" id="link-548c436"><span><strong class="css-8qgvsz ebyp5n10">Why do I need to register with The New York Times if I’m submitting my data through the Merlin or eBird apps?</strong></span></h3>
    
      <p class='css-at9mc1 evys1bk0'>Well..Because we want all of OUR people participating too.</br>;)<i>Ahem!</i>(plus we wanted an epic banner photo for this season's collection)</p>
    

    <

    h3 class= ‘class =”css-vgpzOb’ id=’link – 987654’>In Conclusion: Do You Really Need To Download Those apps?

    1. No! Sure it’ll help organize and collect data but what’s more important is getting people involved (Plus We Are Trying to Boost Their Download Rates) So What better than Some Spiced Up Social Media Attention To Take Over Your Feelings Of Inadequacy? Right??
    2. [[insert links here]]

    3. If you’re actually struggling identifying numerous species none of which seem like a robin; take photos and submit them into a group dedicated only for birds identifications that clearly has way too much time on their hands….you know what they say!\
      “Birds Of A Feather, Waste Time Together”

      [[insert bird identification group links here]]

    In all seriousness folks these creatures of flight out there need our help and whether you’re an experienced birder or just someone looking to try something new-The New York times and Cornell Lab got your back. So long as that’s the case…
    EAGLE-EYE ON THE HORIZON!

    ADVERTISEMENT


    Bird Watching with The New York Times: A Satirical Guide to Feigning Expertise

    Welcome fellow amateurs! It’s time for you to put on your safari hat, grab a pair of binoculars and hit the great outdoors. Why? Because apparently, we need to help save birds from our own environmental destruction. So let’s get right into it, shall we?

    The Cornell Lab of Ornithology needs YOU!

    Yes folks, you read that right – this isn’t just any bird watching activity; this is science! We’re partnering up with Cornell Lab of Ornithology to gather data about birds, because apparently half of all bird species in the world are at risk due to climate change and other human activities.

    We know what you’re thinking… “What could I possibly do as an ordinary citizen?” Well fear not my feathered friends- All you need are observation skills, but if those don’t work out – Don’t worry! They have apps for that.

    The Project Details

    <

    ul>

  • The Objective:To fill in regional gaps so scientists can accurately study the biodiversity in certain areas
  • Your Mission:To download some apps and act like Sir David Attenborough
    • – eBird (for advanced Birders)
    • – Merlin (for beginners) [our spy team confirms no relationship with King Arthur’s sidekick].

    A Few Simple Steps To Image Over-Inflated Intellectuality About Birds through observation techniques:

    1. The Observation:Open your peepers and observe the birds around you.
    2. The Verification:Download one of the apps (above) or visit the Cornell website to learn more about what kind of bird it is.
    3. We know this all sounds complicated but hey! It’s for a Great Cause…Right? Back to Business:

    4. The Deduction: Your observation must be recorded, which can include anything from location/time details to weather conditions.

      “The humidity index was at an estimated rate of…Wait, am I sweating yet?”

    5. Time To Show Off:If you’re feeling fancy Submit Observations by using eBird Website starting today until September.

    Tips for Implementation

    To help those citizens with no prior experience out there we have some tips:

    • -Relax! Remember observing birds should be enjoyable not stressful.

    Afterall they are called Birds Not Helicopters something will fly again
    .

  • -Be confident- Even if you don’t know exactly what species that hawk-like creature on your window looks like feels like…
    No Biggie,.“I heard them mention somewhere that these things migrate or something.”

    We gotta admit though; The Cornell team did come up with genius marketing strategy here!

    Frequently Asked Questions For People As Knowledgeable As A Rubber Duck About Birds:

    <

    div class=”css-53u6y8″>

    Can I still be included in The New York Times project if I already use the Merlin or eBird app?

    Yes, of course! As long as you’ve registered with us above to participate in the project our bird-eyes are on your glimpses.

     <!--Question Two-->
       <h3 class="css-vgpz0b e1gnsphs0" id="link-548c436"><span><strong class="css-8qgvsz ebyp5n10">Why do I need to register with The New York Times if I’m submitting my data through the Merlin or eBird apps?</strong></span></h3>
    
      <p class='css-at9mc1 evys1bk0'>Well..Because we want all of OUR people participating too.</br>;)<i>Ahem!</i>(plus we wanted an epic banner photo for this season's collection)</p>
    

    <

    h3 class= ‘class =”css-vgpzOb’ id=’link – 987654’>In Conclusion: Do You Really Need To Download Those apps?

    1. No! Sure it’ll help organize and collect data but what’s more important is getting people involved (Plus We Are Trying to Boost Their Download Rates) So What better than Some Spiced Up Social Media Attention To Take Over Your Feelings Of Inadequacy? Right??
    2. [[insert links here]]

    3. If you’re actually struggling identifying numerous species none of which seem like a robin; take photos and submit them into a group dedicated only for birds identifications that clearly has way too much time on their hands….you know what they say!\
      “Birds Of A Feather, Waste Time Together”

      [[insert bird identification group links here]]

    In all seriousness folks these creatures of flight out there need our help and whether you’re an experienced birder or just someone looking to try something new-The New York times and Cornell Lab got your back. So long as that’s the case…
    EAGLE-EYE ON THE HORIZON!

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    Tags: AdventureBirdingDiscoverDrynaturepaintPretendingThrillingTimesWatch
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