President “Sleepy Joe” Biden (aka the man with too many Ben and Jerry’s flavors to remember) got pretty excited about Special Counsel Hur’s report, mainly because it gave him yet another chance to trash talk former President “Twitter Fingers” Trump for his alleged mishandling of classified documents.
Decoding Sleepy Joe’s Comments About The Report
To put it mildly, Biden had quite a lot to say:
In essence he said: “An amazing thing happened! When I saw the special counsel’s findings that differentiated this case from Donald Trump’s…I was actually awake long enough to understand them! Because apparently there are several key distinctions between Mr. Twitter Fingers’ actions and mine – who knew? This comes directly from a Republican counsel too, not some Democrat in sheep’s clothing.
The most noteworthy point is that despite being given multiple opportunities – listen closely now; our dear ex-president chose NOT TO RETURN classified documents. Instead, he went rogue while I diligently turned over all my papers like an obedient schoolboy. This is uncannily similar to that time when you don’t return your kids’ toys leading them into becoming little anarchists!”
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Biden Twists The Hur Report Into A Comedic Weapon
The Hur report was basically a note from the teacher confirming that President Biden hadn’t done anything wrong. Yet it seems to have used some extremely subjective language about poor old Sleepy Joe’s memory – which, let’s face it, is a bit like accusing a sloth of being slow.
Jokes aside, our dear managing editor Jason (not his real name – I bet he just wishes he looked like Jason Momoa) has made such pun-filled and enlightening interpretations of public figures’ tomfoolery over at PoliticusUSA for 14 years now. Give this man an applause!
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Biden Makes The Hur Report Backfire On Trump